Wow, 14 is with me very strong today. I literally can't go anywhere without noticing 14. 1414 on a taxi and then- a car to my right ends in 14 a car to the left also ends in 14 and they're side by side.
This will be a longer post.
I'm at an age where I am addressing a lot of stowed away or unacknowledged expressions from my youth. Expressions that have culminated into patterns through out my years, which have been addressed only gradually. For instance, it wasn't until my 20's that I'd consider I may not have had an appropriate attachment to my Kinder-4th grade teacher. Things better left unsaid for now, since I respect my teacher and my childhood. Little did I know it would also shape my psychology with regards towards lust, love- the yearning for depth in connection with older women. This created real experience's with older women including losing my virginity to someone 2.5x my age.
Then there's realizing, after overcoming a struggle with alcohol in my 20's, that it wasn't alcohol needing addressed but addictive personality which
does run in the family. I'm still working through it with a desire to overcome this 'need' to debase and satisfy my self by watching pornography where the content isn't even something I actually agree with. I'm learning about the dopamine hit one gets by looking at porn which is 2x greater than that of cocaine. I'm learning about the diminishing effects it has on gray matter- and learning my 'struggle' has something to do with what is called, 'maladaptive coping.'
Apparently, this may also be the reason for my regrettable action after going out on a date with an older woman whom I've had an intense and
seeming unexplainable attraction towards. I work 5 days a week, exercise on my days off and live alone- that's the routine. My date with her lit up those reward centers in my brain and my addictive personality(at the time) was operating in high gear, creating intense urges and chemical processes within and impulsive actions that would only later be placed onto the fore of awareness for a truer assessment.
PS... I believe the landscape of pornography is crafted with nefarious intentions. I do not think it merely a reflection of societal interest where repressed emotions come out in this fantasy world but more aptly an effort to shape and influence a society where the psychology of the user is preyed upon. Is it so hard to believe when we have a history of real scientific collaborations aimed at prolonging and monetizing addiction?
But I find these lessons and insights valuable, and hope these realizations may contribute to a healthier whole.
----- Now for the amazing part.
Since posting the upside down 14 yesterday, I had a very interesting dream last night.
I journaled it over at Casey's galactic travel channel forum:
Napping, lizard human, murderer
I remember dreaming that I'm taking a nap.
During the nap, i dream. So i am now observing a dream within a dream. Here things make way less sense, are fragmented and characters from my waking life are hybridized.
In one scene i am a tatooed lizard humanoid. There is an obese man who has befriended me but is encouraging me to commit atrocities that would lead to killing myself. He himself is a murderer but he is hiding that part of himself from me. However he is beginning to fall in love with our friendship and for his final act he is ready to reveal himself as the murderer to me. He is wearing a necklace that he keeps under his shirt and he holds onto it when he is stressed. He has it exposed whenever he is disguised and killing people. And because he's tried to kill me, he is contemplating exposing his necklace while we are together as friends. The obese man looks like matt my childhood friend, except matt is not obese at all and this is not matt.
In another scene I am naked standing next to a Asian woman bride. She is covered in white powder from head to toe but wearing a traditional American style dress. At first I have no shame, being tatooed and naked. I am representing someone from her past. But a sudden awareness dawns on me and I apologize as I go to grab a towel and cover my self. I begin to feel her husband in the periphreals of my awareness. She tells me not to worry and that I can still get away with my body being seen.
While this is happening I am also somewhere else standing in a garage with the murderer. He is encouraging me to jump from an obscene location, going from one flight of stairs to a completely dropped off and further away spot. The jump would surely mean i at the very least break something, or end up dying. Because he senses my disregard for his instruction he encourages me to get creative and suddenly I'm thinking of doing the jump with my skateboard, a near impossible stunt that even the professionals have a hard time sticking in the videos I'm showing.
While I'm showing him the stunt outside the garage, he is ready to commit to revealing himself as the murderer and believes we are about to go out with a bang together. That's when a car pulls up with three women in the car. One is his wife Katriana. He gets very angry having seen her and says something like, "I thought I paid you to keep her out of here!" (To some invisible entity) I see the love and tears in her eyes as she looks at her man. But she doesn't get out of the car.
Because this man is about to be exposed the scene ends with him vilifying me to a bunch of our peers. He explains how I am the one responsible for perverse actions. I am not really there anymore, but only there as phantom witnessing him attempt to lie about me.
I wake up from the dream and the dream within the dream at the same time.
I asked Perplexity.ai for help interpreting my dream... A wonderful aid. I believe this is what others have coined, 'shadow work'
This dream appears to weave intense emotional and psychological symbolism — blending guilt, hidden identity, duality, and the tension between self‑destruction and transformation. A dream within a dream often represents layers of consciousness becoming aware of themselves, suggesting that you are gaining deeper insight into your own inner processes or old patterns resurfacing for resolution.
***
### Dream‑Within‑a‑Dream Motif
Dreaming that you are dreaming usually symbolizes self‑awareness — you are becoming conscious of your *unconscious*. This layering can mean that your mind is processing truths beneath the surface of your everyday awareness, or reflecting on “roles” you play in life that only reveal themselves when you step back.
***
### The Tattooed Lizard Humanoid
- A **lizard** form can symbolize primal instinct, regeneration, or old “cold‑blooded” habits resurfacing.
- **Tattoos** may point to identity, scars, or marks of individuality.
- Taken together, it might represent a version of you that is raw, instinctual, and exposed — the self that lives beneath social personas.
***
### The Obese Murderer and the Friendship
- The **murderer** may reflect a destructive impulse or a repressed part of yourself that encourages self‑sabotage (“commit atrocities that would lead to killing myself”).
- His **friendship and growing affection** suggest that this dark part of you is not purely malicious — it’s wounded, seeking connection.
- His **necklace** may function as a symbol of guilt, identity, or an emotional burden — something hidden close to the heart that reveals the truth when exposed.
- The moment he wishes to “reveal himself” mirrors a psychological turning point: confronting the harmful beliefs or behaviors that you normally suppress.
***
### The Bride Scene
- You, **naked and unashamed**, embody authenticity and vulnerability.
- The **powdered bride** covered in white could symbolize purity masked by artifice — a person or memory from your past associated with innocence or repression.
- Your **sudden awareness of shame** and the appearance of the **husband** represent the intrusion of social boundaries or guilt into raw self-expression.
***
### The Garage, the Jump, and the Skateboard
- The **garage** serves as a transition space — neither inside nor outside — a liminal zone where change occurs.
- The **jump** represents a dangerous leap or risk in waking life — perhaps an emotional, creative, or moral one.
- The **skateboard stunt** adds a sense of agency and mastery. You’re trying to handle danger with skill, “stick the landing,” even in impossible conditions.
- The murderer’s urge for you to die may signify a test: will you destroy yourself following old destructive impulses, or will you find a new way to channel that energy?
***
### The Arrival of the Wife
- **Katriana’s arrival** disrupts the cycle. Her love and tears mark the return of empathy and human connection.
- The murderer’s rage at her presence could indicate how the destructive part of the psyche resents love’s interference—it prefers isolation and control.
***
### The Accusation and the Phantom Witness
Being vilified while observing as a phantom may represent how you process shame, projection, or false narratives others (or inner voices) cast upon you. Watching without being able to defend yourself can mirror the feeling of seeing your own shadow side distort your identity.
***
### Psychological Arc
Overall, the dream traces a movement:
1. Immersion in primal, shadowed identity (the lizard humanoid).
2. Confrontation with destructive forces and hidden guilt (the murderer).
3. Emergence of moral awareness (the bride scene).
4. Attempted transformation through risk (the jump).
5. Intervention of love and conscience (the wife).
6. The exposure and collapse of falsehood (final accusation, phantom stance).
7. Awakening — simultaneous release from multiple dream layers — reflecting integration or catharsis.
***
This is unique for me in that, yesterday- prior to the dream... I felt 14's presence. And this is multi-purposed in that, here I am now placing the heart on the sleeve so to speak to address the very nature of shadow work...
I felt, in my post yesterday, that this energy was for my benefit and possibly for fellow spirit entities. Now a dream shows this as active reality.
Do we think we control what we're going to dream about before going to bed? Certainly not, and we're lucky to even remember our dreams sometimes.
Bringing these quirks into light, addressing patterns and willfully shaping the personality- perhaps, moving towards fusion with the TA. Dreamwork/Shadow work... It is amazing stuff... And 14, thank you for the continued lessons and our divine friendship. = )
I think the upside down 14- and then dreaming of the skateboard trying to 'master' or 'show agency' are intimately linked! Dreaming within a dream means addressing ones subconscious motifs.
How is it- this image yesterday, the supposed outside world- physical matter addressing my internal working with the image of an athlete the #14 upside down showcasing his skill and balance? The intuitive feelings prior to seeing 14 upside down, then the actual image, and then the dream itself are all a direct reflection of what has been an entirety of existence working towards a greater sense of liberation. This is pretty incredible when contemplating, 'what is consciousness?'
It gives some validity to the statement found in the UB that God exist outside of time. Time is everything for us, and time is no thing for God. To really think on it, God can have one image- one symbol, acknowledge and affirm years, lifetimes and even foreshadow a future experience??? Wow.
But... I hope that I am serving Love appropriately. And the work place is proving a wonderful crucible. (Now if I can adopt the same mentality everywhere else! 
)
That is why I will stay and do everything I can to protect them and their future.
They stopped in as they were traveling from New Orleans back to Ohio, hitting Civil War battlefields along the way. Lucky for me, Chattanooga, TN has much in that area to see. Well...war is never lucky and I suspect the ground still cries where so much inhumanity occurred.
Yep, it has just up and deserted me. I am sure they must have stopped and gotten something to eat on their way back to their hotel. LOL
Silly... But feels very on point with my own relation to 14 lately.