I believe, but I want more!

[Princess Wanaga]

I'm new to this site - but I have believed for many years.

First, my name is a childhood nickname my father called me... (It's better than my brothers and sisters nicknames).

Ok, two weeks after my father passed I was at a stop sign and my foot would not lift off the brake pedal. I looked at my foot and tried to even shift it to the side...it would not budge...suddenly, a huge SUV flew by me. Seconds later I heard screeching and a crash bam boom - as I made the turn I saw the SUV flipped several times. A week later, traveling with my sister and our children to visit our younger sisters home we were traveling on the highway going about 70 mph while approaching an overpass my car started to slow down, my foot was well on the pedal – it kept slowing down to about 30 mph – my sister asked if there was something wrong with the car, as I approached the top of the hill I started to change lanes to pull over to the swale there in what was my lane was a huge metal cage (like a lobster trap), my car was fine after that. I was at a red streetlight, and I heard my father say “turn right”; I said out loud “the train is about to come, I’ll go straight and pick-up the highway”; his voice came again “turn right” (in that same tone he use to use to get me up in the morning); I said, “No, the train is coming” (in the same tone I use to use when I said I WAS UP); the light changed – I did not jump the light and I proceeded straight ahead…a car ran the light and hit my passenger side – spun my car around several times and I was then hit by a car on my drivers side..I should have listened to dad.

Last night, my younger sister and I met with a medium. She shared things that I have had on my mind that my father confirmed and eased my mind. He was disabled, and with all his physical hardships and pain he had a zest for life… if you asked him on his worst day – how are you today dad…he would do his Tony the Tiger “GRRRRRRREAT!!” He was always the life of the party and his home was always filled with family and friends. Personally, I get no comfort from going to the cemetery, I’ll take my mom because I know it makes her feel better – but I get more joy when I speak of my father, his stories, jokes, recipes, a song (he loved to sing – he never knew the words but he loved to sing) and whistle. Ok, back to my point…When I asked my father (through the medium) if he wanted me to go to the cemetery…the medium giggled, and said… “your father is a funny guy…he said HE doesn’t even want to be there”. I spokw with my brother today, his lights were out on his block during the same exact time we were with the medium.

My younger sister dreams of my father and our other relatives very often, if not daily, I’m jealous. My mind goes a mile a minute and can’t sit still long enough to meditate, I know I need it… and I want it and welcome it… I can’t remember the last time I had a moment of silence for myself.

Thank you for listening. I needed to share in a forum that would not think I’m crazy.

[Karlossal]

Thanks for sharing - it was nice to read.

I too struggle with trusting that inner voice. I often shake it off and then suffer the consequences after. But I think we need to experience these things as a way of training our mind into trusting what it is we need to know.

I'm sure you'll be able to find about half an hour, even 15 minutes a day to still your mind. It will work wonders for you.

[Daddy - O]

Hi Princess Wanaga,

I enjoyed reading your story. Your father sounds like quite the character, and it is obvious how much you love him.

Welcome to the board.

love,
Daddy - O

[Petra Wilson]

Hello and welcome from me too Princess Wanaga!

I was very close to my father too. He was the kind of man who had lots of friends, from princes to paupers. He died when I was 14. I still miss him.

I've had many loud warnings too during the whole of my life. I can understand your dilemma about not being able to still your mind too. Lately, though I am now, after a few years of hardships, very happy and content with my lot, I can't still my mind for a minute. I think I've been trying too hard. I'll see if I can find any tips from past threads on how to still one's mind...hang on a sec...
This is a few years old, but it often works for me when I have problems: Stillness exercise

Love, Petra

[peacockplume]

Hi Princess

Wow,,,guess you'll listen to dear ole Dad in the future...how blessed you are having him 'watching over you'....

welcome to the site,,,,I hope you enjoy the link Pet put for the Stillness Exercise,,,it's a good one...

love and blessings
pp

[Princess Wanaga]

First, the Silence Exercise sounds so peaceful I can't wait start. And, it helps with the "I want more" part too...PERFECT!

The racing mind is draining...I keep a note pad next to my bed to write things down when I can't sleep... this helps me take them off my plate...somehow a new thought always pops in. You know, the thing you forgot to do today or the thing that must get done tomorrow and how am I going to be in two places at once. And, my aging Italian mother that riddles me with guilt why I don't visit more than once a week. What is the difference between a vulture and an Italian mother... a vulture waits till you dead to rip you heart out. Only kidding, my mom is great and is always there for me and she makes a great sauce!

I plan to make time over the weekend to start the exercise, today is not the day... up at 6:00 am and just walked in the door at 11:30 pm.

Thank you for the warm welcome, I will let you know my progress.

Peaceful dreams, Good night.

[Sandy]

Dear Princess Wananga,

I am enjoying your posts and your sense of humor. Sounds like you may take after your dear father in that regards.

I too know what it is like to deal with a thought filled mind...Oh if only the intruding thoughts were at least focused on wise and life changing things! but ...no...sometimes I close my eyes to meditate and just as I am feeling peaceful and relaxed I remember..."Oh darn I didn't water Geoff's plant!" or... "Wouldn't steamed broccoli taste good tonight." or my personal favorite..."I should run a load of clothes if I wish to have something to wear tomorrow," I usually get passed this but it can be a tad frustrating if I let it. The trick might be to let these thoughts pass through. Eventually...hopefully... we will run out of these "important" thoughts' and can sit and see, hear and feel the vibrations of the universe, and our Celestial kin. It takes time, dedication, and patience.
Ah, but the peacefullness of stillness is its own reward, even without some of the perks that begin manifesting along the way. I'm glad you are going to give it a try and happy that you have joined our friendly board. Welcome.
Love,
Sandy

[peacockplume]

Hi Princess

I plan to make time over the weekend to start the exercise, today is not the day... up at 6:00 am and just walked in the door at 11:30 pm.

I'm thinking of you today,,,,knowing how much you are going to enjoy starting your practise...

I think you'll be finding an extra 5-10 min each morning as you get up and again just before sleep to 'slip' in there....

it becomes a part of your life that you really don't want to leave out...

Bless Your Heart..

pp
xoxoxo

[Princess Wanaga]

Ok, I did not get the stillness I wanted and needed. But, on a positive note my husband took me away for the weekend. Ok, I did not have to make breakfast, the beds or get everyone out of the house on time…it rained the entire weekend so we talked, slept, didn’t sleep, went to dinner and the movies. On the way home, he asked…do you feel re-charged? I guess he saw I needed it too! I felt well rested – which is a good thing for me!

I guess the most important aspect I have experienced since coming to this site is… Stillness and Peace is part of my thinking process now – I have not achieved it yet – but I’m thinking about it…a lot! Another thing, I realized this weekend…I sleep with the TV on all night, one of us will normally lower the volume just enough not to be disturbing. So, I was not letting my mind rest even at night. So, I’ve made a conscience effort to turn the TV off after a movie/game ends – so I don’t get hooked into another one. I dreamt - can’t remember what about, but I know I was dreaming. I think I’m making progress!

Ok, a short story about Dad. When he was 17 years old he came home with a friend and heard someone in the house. There was a stranger standing at the top of the steps, my father asked…”who are you?” He said, “I’m your cousin from Poughkeepsie“ (a town in upstate New York). My father, as mentioned was disabled (he had polio as a child) turned to his friend and said “I don’t have any cousins in Poughkeepsie”. Uncle Rocky (whose name did no justice to his size) brushed passed my father and went upstairs to greet and entertain this cousin until my grandparents arrived. The burglar explained that he was recently released from jail, his wife was sick, pregnant and their infant child was sick as well. They all got in the car and went to find the burglars wife. As they drove down the street the burglar pointed out his wife walking down the street. They pulled over…when she saw Uncle Rocky, my father and grandfather get out of the car she cried and said “what did you do now?” He was not lying, his wife was visibly pregnant and sick. My grandfather took them all back to his house. My grandparents put them in one of their empty apartments until they got on their feet, my grandmother took the wife and child to the doctor and my grandfather found him a job with a friend with a banana company. Once a week, for years there was a basket of banana’s on my grandparents doorstep. My father told the story much better.

I hope it is ok to share these types of stories. I don’t want to upset the gods of the site.

Peaceful dreams, Princess Wanaga

[peacockplume]

Dear Princess
There is only one God,,,the Father God of us all,,,and surely the God that was guiding your grandfather to be such a loving and caring person. True Lightworkers of this world,,,caring for others..

and that's what it's all about...

if you don't mind me saying,,,,to achieve stillness and peace,,,stop thinking about it...it's a state of be-ing....

calm and rested,,,which you got this weekend....wonderful!!!!

practise breathing,,,slowly and deeply,,,you will find it will relax you into a more peaceful state in which you will eventually reach stillness.....


turning off the TV is a really good idea,,,,my husband does the same thing,,,leaving it on I mean....so just before I drift off,,,I change the channel to a soothing music station and keep it low....

sometimes if you 'ask' to remember your dream just before you go to sleep you will remember it as you awake...

a good habit for when you do start to remember is to keep a pen and paper handy to jot down key words that will help you to remember it...
otherwise as soon as your conscious mind is focusing on being awake, it's easy to forget them...

Your stories are welcome and appreciated,,,if you look at the different threads you'll find many....

blessings
pp

[Sandy]

Hi Princess Wanaga,

I love hearing stories about your Dad... your latest was a real goodie...
PP wrote:

Your stories are welcome and appreciated,,,if you look at the different threads you'll find many....

She's not a kidding either...Take a look at the Secret thread and you will find 106 pages of our back and forth stories.

I think I’m making progress!

You've got it in your head...that's a start. It will definitely filter through the rest of you. "Just go with the flow."

Love,
Sandy

[Princess Wanaga]

Hi Gang,

I'm up to 15 minutes of complete stillness, Yeah! I close my eyes and let all the thoughts in and out. I've been adding a few minutes each day. I have to go in my backyard to get it – or else I hear “I’m hungry”, the phone rings, the dog barks, etc., etc., etc. I've made an effort to really breath, I found I was holding my breath and taking shallow breaths…so, I am breathing deeply and slowly. Also, I have been sleeping better and dreaming more. I feel a change in me building...a peacefulness - I'm not there yet...but I'm making great strides! I will keep you posted on my progress.

I want to share my story of my nickname Princess Wanaga. I am a bit more olive/tan than my brothers and sisters and they all have curly hair. My hair is more wavy even as a child it was long and wavy. My father said I was Princess Wanaga, Princess of the Hawaiian Islands and so I believed him. We had a country house in Upstate New York that we would go to every weekend, leave on Friday night and come home late Sunday afternoon. One Friday morning, at breakfast I asked “where are we going this weekend?”; my father was probably thinking…where we go every weekend… but instead my father said in his Brooklyn tone…”to Hawaii so you could see your people”. Well, I went to school that day and announced to everyone that would listen – I was going to Hawaii for the weekend to see my people. This prompted calls from the school to my home! My brothers and sisters nicknames are not as flattering, my brothers are two bad words in Italian, my older sister is a sausage (in Italian) and my younger sister was dingdong…her curls would ding dong when she walked. So, I affectionately love the name Princess Wanaga that my father crowned me.

Peaceful dreams, Princess Wanaga

[Sandy]

Hello Princess Wananga,
Glad to see you on the board again as well to hear you are making good strides in finding your "peaceful place."

I feel a change in me building...a peacefulness - I'm not there yet...but I'm making great strides! I will keep you posted on my progress.

Thats the way to do it..bit by bit..no pressure on yourself whatsoever...

It sounds as if your life would make a very good book! Have you ever considered writing down your memories and stories if for no body else than at least for your kids...It'd be a family heirloom for sure.
Love,
Sandy

[Princess Wanaga]

Hi Gang: This is a bit of a long one... but worth it!

I want to share what happened on Father’s Day. We slept late, our son and I made breakfast in bed for my husband. They watched an early baseball game. I neglected to mention that my eighteen year old son got stuck with his jeep the night before, his friends drove him home and we planned to have it towed in the morning. When we walked outside the house to go to my sister-in-laws for a family dinner, the three of us remembered about the jeep. We decided to have it towed later that evening. We had a pleasant day and arrived at my son’s jeep about 9:00 pm. My husband tried to start it – but the ignition was stripped and the key would just spin around without starting the jeep. I called the roadside service company we have and they said it would be a 55 minute wait – an hour and a half later – they showed up. Now 10:30pm on a Sunday Night. The driver said he would follow us to the service station which was west of our house. We went half way down the block and he stopped. We pulled over and waited, he got back in the tow truck and went a bit further, this went on about 5 times. He finally pulled over; we went a whole two blocks from where we started. He said we needed a flatbed tow because the jeep has ‘four wheels all the time’, now 11:00 pm. So, we called the roadside service again and they said it would be about 55 minutes…I’ve heard that song before – since it was getting late…my husband decided to have it towed to a different service station closer and east of our house. At 12:30 am; the flatbed tow truck arrived and did his thing; he followed us to the service station and completed the paperwork…now 1:00 am. Ok, this may have been too many details…but it all comes into play now…

Because of all the delays and excessive wait time and the fact that we changed the service station and no longer would have come from the west to get to our house…we would now take a different route home. Now, from the second service station, we would only need to go one block and make the first right – which is what we did. When we made the turn…slowly (my husband has a cargo van and he makes turns slowly not to shift his boxes). There in the road, in our lane where it was dark because of a large tree shading the streetlight was an elderly man that was mangled with his bike. My son and I jumped out of the van, my husband pulled over to the side. He was scuffed up a bit on his forehead, nose, hand and knee….HE WAS SLOSHED! He said “don’t get old, don’t get old”; I replied to him “how about don’t drink and drive!” Joking aside, if someone at a high rate of speed was coming around that corner….it would have been a very bad situation.

His bike was mangled; he said he lived just around the corner…so I said my son and I would walk him home while my husband followed in the van. The address he gave was 10 blocks away…he was in no condition to walk 10 blocks. We put the bike and him in the van and drove him home. He was crying on the way back repeating over and over “this is how I spent father’s day”. My husband and son helped him down the walkway while I followed right behind guiding him forward. He said “stop, stop”; I said quickly are you ok…are you in pain?” he said “no, my pants are falling down”. We all laughed; I closed my eyes and reached to both sides of him and pulled up his pants…I told him “you have to pull up the front – cause I’m not going there”...we all laughed again. My husband put the bike in his dark house and we said our good-byes. He wished my husband a happy father’s day and told him he had a good family and to take care of us.

The three of us got back in the van and we were silent the few blocks we had to get home. While walking in the house, my son asked my husband and I… “would it be ok if I stopped by and checked on him?” I said… “as long as he does not offer you anything to drink“ (the drinking age here is 21). By now it was about 1:30 or later. By the time we got settled it was 2:00 or so… I said to my husband “there was a reason we had to wait for the tow truck, then a second tow truck and why you changed your mind of which service station to take it to…we were meant to be there at that moment to protect him. My husband said… “I was just thinking the same thing”.

My mom often says…. “God watches over babies and drunks”

[Sandy]

Hey Princess!
Yes, it was definitely worth the read! You and your family were definitely where you were supposed to be weren't you? It is a good example for us to perhaps be a bit more patient with happenings and delays in our life. Something positive and worthwhile for all concerned could be found as the end result.

Thanks for sharing your Father's Day story! It warmed my heart...
Love,
Sandy

[lee1111]

Hi Princess,

Thanks for sharing your Father's Day story with us - I agree with Sandy, it was a heartwarming read.

A lot of people get drunk to sublimate emotions that they can't deal with (speaking from experience). I wonder why he felt so sad and upset? Maybe he's a father and has fallen out with his children; maybe he had a family like yours and lost it … who knows? I'm just guessing.

I agree with you about being destined to find him on that road with his bike to take care of him. I think you and your family did a wonderful thing.

How about contacting him again (preferably when he's sober)? See if you can talk to him about why he was so drunk. There's an old saying “a trouble shared is a trouble halved”. He may have nobody to talk to about what is troubling him. Anyway, it's just an idea.


With kind regards,
Lee

[Tiggy]

Hi Princess Wanaga

What a good deed both you and your family did in helping out that poor old man.....That is what love is all about...........having compassion and concern for others..........even before ourselves. I think you were put in the right place at the right time because someone up above knew you were the right person to assist this elderly gentleman........

I also had the same thought as Lee. Perhaps one day, when passing, you could just pop in and see if hes ok, or ask any of his neighbours to check in on him if you don't want to get more involved........Whatever....... you did a wonderful thing

Peace
Joanne

[lilaslight]

I want to share my story of my nickname Princess Wanaga. I am a bit more olive/tan than my brothers and sisters

Princess Wanaga, My father had pet names for each of his kids too. He always called me Kayumunggi which is Tagalag (Filipino) for"brown-skinned child" I am told.
My sisters were Killikillit (arm pit) because she was very ticklish and Umpat (Four) because being the baby her age was the only word she knew how to say in Malay.
I understand why you love your childhood name as I use mine as an email moniker even today. Being known as Kayumunggi is one of the few endearing memories I retain of my father.

[Princess Wanaga]

Hi Gang:

It’s been a busy two weeks! Last week my younger sister and I went to see the medium again with close friends. I have been anticipating the visit for the prior two weeks. I did not know who I wanted to reach out to this time. By chance, the Sunday before I put a dvd in which I thought was a production of God Spell my son was in two years ago. Instead, it was a video of a tribute to my aunt on her 75th birthday from three years ago. I’ve seen the video before, perhaps three times in the past three years. But I guess I am in a different place in time and space and truly took in the old photos of my mom and grandparents that were also including in this video. My grandfather (my mother’s father) had passed away when I was a year and a half old, so I do not remember him. But for some reason, I became very emotional when he was featured…the tears were rolling down my face, and I said “why am I getting so emotional, I don’t remember you”. For two days I kept thinking of my grandfather. So, in light of my “there is a reason for everything”…I said he wants me to call upon him…and I did. It was very fulfilling! He said he was watching over my sister and I. He kept stressing how important our family lineage was. I spoke to my mother that evening – she told me that he adored me. At the time, I was the youngest of all the grandchildren and he would swoop me up as soon as I came to the door. My mom reminded me that she and I were both named after his mother. My name has been in the family for many, many generations, matter of fact…I am the first one in the family with my name not to have had a girl and named her this family name. I know when my uterus shrivels up I’m going to get struck by lightning! My son’s middle name is my grandfather’s name. I did not tell the medium that.

Coincidentally, my sister and I both decided to call the same two people, our grandfather and an aunt who was tragically killed. She was my mom’s kid sister – she was 15 years younger than my mom and 18 years older than me. I was very close with her and could talk to her about anything and get an honest answer. My older sister was married and out of the country; one brother married and the other going to school out of state. So, my aunt was there for me. Not in a hurtful way, but my mom was always old to me...polyester was her best friend! My aunt was cool and fashionable! Thank God she took me shopping before I started high school! I had a big 29th birthday party (really 29) and all the family came and a lot of friends. They took a video and I was thanking my “wild and crazy red-headed aunt “ I blew her a kiss across the room and the camera went to her and she blew a kiss back and said “I love you baby”; two weeks later she was killed. We did not tell the medium how my aunt died…she had no trouble reaching anyone until we asked for her. She sat quietly for a bit and softly said “she’s back”. She gave us a timeline of approximately ten years. My aunt’s grandson was born ten years ago, a devilish redhead…just like my aunt.

The other members of our little group reached out to their living children to speak with their inner soul (for lack of a better word…remember I’m new to this)… So, I reached out to my son too. My son and I are very close. We raise our voices to speak to each other which drives my husband bananas! Mornings are stressful to get him up and out of the house…which my husband refers to as “The Morning Show”…but, he hugs, kisses and tells me he loves me and I him before he walks out the door. That is our relationship! We both get gut feelings when something is wrong with each other. I have always been honest with him when he would ask me anything (there’s a few funny stories there). I would pick up my cell phone before it rings when he calls. He is 18, just graduated high school and will work and go to community college for one year to prove to me he is going to get his own ass out of bed to go to work and school before I have to pay dorm, food, tuition and book costs! He is bright (133 IQ), (but lazy when it comes to school work), give him a history book – he will read it ten times and can’t remember what it said…give him a 250 page script and he knows every line! He is talented, sings and plays eight instruments. He’s a great looking kid too (if I do say so myself). Remember, I told the medium nothing…she starting laughing and said do you have trouble with him to get out of bed…I laughed and said yes, but don’t most kids. She said my son and I have been intertwined for many lives as parent and child and we do have a special bond. She said, he wants me to stop protecting him and let him make his own mistakes it’s his turn, he is where he wants to be at this time and he will make me proud some day. I told my son what she said about the parent thing and now he keeps threatening to ground me in our next life!

Peaceful dreams, Princess Wanaga

P.S. Sorry I did not respond sooner...

Hi Sandy, Lee and Joanne: Just wanted to let you know we have passed our father’s day man’s house several times since…although we have not seen him. We will keep checking.

Hi Kayumunggi: thank you for your kind words – good, loving childhood names could bring back great memories

[peacockplume]

Hi Princess Wananga

I'm just catching up on my board msgs,,,and just read your last post of 4 months ago...I'm sure I'll see you elsewhere today as I'm determined to get completely caught up today....I may be burning the midnight oil...

I've really enjoyed your excerpts from your visits with your medium,,,,I never went to one very much,,,but there was one lady who, when I went into her shop would say,,,you're Mom's been here waiting for you...and I always found it comforting when she'd do something (the medium) that was a particular thing that my Mom would do,,,,and the medium never knew her and I think those things were the things that really let me know that a connection was there...

Just interested to know how your meditations are going along,,,are you finding that 'stillness' yet,,,,quieting the mind is no easy feat,,,when it's been used to running as fast as it can (can't leave anything out you know

something to go along with the deep breathing though is to actually 'focus' on it....feel the breathe come in and notice how it feels ,,,as it travels down to your diaphram and how it feels going out....by doing that you have your mind focused on those actions,,,and very few wild thoughts come in,,,(although some will sneak in anyway),,,don't get frustrated with them,,,just notice them and say,,,ok, noticed that then put your mind back on your breath,,,it gets easier...

love and blessings
pp